it goes like this:
by fixing a heart
Summary: she never tells him the real secret, the real drug/ or victoire, breaking.


a/n: This piece is for Lolaaaa's Sensitive/Controversial Topic Challenge. Huge shout out to my beautiful sissy, jade isabelle, for betaing this and giving me some amazing insight. Love you for always (and who cares what that stupid boy thinks?)!

disclaimer: I am not British, unfortunately, so that rules out the possibility of me owning Harry Potter.

It goes like this:

Sometimes she tells him what she thinks.

She sometimes tells him that he's like a drug, and she is addicted.

/

It also goes like this:

She does not tell him everything.

She never tells him her secret- the real drug.

/

They looked like pure, newly fallen snow.

They were not.

They came straight out of a little cylinder Muggle container, orange, transparent.

/

She just wanted to be thin.

(_"Vic, honey, you already are."_

_And she does not believe him._)

/

Time went so quickly last year.

It was easy to just sit with everyone else and actually _eat_.

Time flew when she wasn't starving.

/

She had just awakened and was still in a groggy state when the thought first came to her. _I'm not good enough for him._

/

It was working. She was down a good 10 pounds in a couple weeks. This was, by far, the best decision she'd ever made.

/

It wasn't supposed to be like this. She just…_found_ them. Three of them. _One a day_, she decided. She would finish them up, and then it would be over, and she might be thinner, prettier, someone Teddy _really wanted._

She duplicates the last one.

She has enough to finish out the summer, one a day.

/

They run out in two weeks.

She tries to stop.

She cannot. She falls back onto them, just like her mind tells her she is not good enough every waking moment.

/

It gets worse when she goes back to Hogwarts.

Big feasts every night, and she gains it all back.

She stops eating until she can get her hands on some of those damn pills.

/

Muggle pharmacy. Faked signature. One transparent orange cylinder with fifty pills to her disposal.

/

She does not start eating again.

/

Time passes slowly.

Breakfast passes slowly.

Lunch passes even more slowly.

Dinner lasts forever.

/

Every night, willpower crumbles.

/

Sneak into the kitchens. One item only. Small. Not too many calories. Maybe something healthy.

/

It's killing her, physically and emotionally. She shuts herself away so she can keep her secret. This is, by far, the worst decision she's ever made.

/

He notices something is wrong. She denies any and every thing.

She takes the pills three times a day, sometimes four, and she cannot stop, and she wants to tell him.

She really does.

/

The first time he asks her what's going on, she goes back to her dorm and cries.

/

The second time, she can't hold back tears before she runs out on him. He follows her to her dorm, and she won't let him in.

/

The third time, she breaks.

"Teddy,_ I can't stop! _It's too much and_ I can't take it. _Please, help; _I just wanted your approval, _please!

"Vic, I love you, you're beautiful-"

"BECAUSE OF THOSE DAMN PILLS!"

"NO! Victoire, _listen! _You've always been beautiful! You were thin before, and it's scaring me, what you're doing, and I want to help you- I'm going to help you, and you'll eat again, and those pills will be out of your-our- lives, because Vic, clean slate! We're starting over, and any time I ever said anything to make you feel like you weren't good enough, it was never true, it isn't true! You are good enough, you're so much better than that-_ you're so much better than this!_

She knows it now.

/

He helps her cut down on the pills, and, slowly, she is pieced back together.

/

Together, they figure it out.

/

One night, about two years later, after a large feast the two of them shared (him a little more than her, but she's getting better) he asks her to be his bride.

How could she say no to the man who put her back together?

/

They make love for the first time on their wedding night.

He can't tell her enough how beautiful she is, and how lucky he is.

/

She volunteers at a Muggle rehabilitation center to speak about overcoming her addiction. It surprises her to learn she was not the only one who struggled with diet pills.

Sometimes, she speaks at a place for girls with eating disorders.

Every time she speaks, she imagines one memory of her struggles slipping away.

/

She gets stronger. She is happier. She is _free._

/

It goes like that.

a/n2: Also, to everyone struggling with an eating disorder- you'll get through it! Best of luck-

beautiful sinning


End file.
